Abandoning Paradise

Chapter Three     Crossing Italy

Haximoto - Das Kamikaze Motorroller

The scooter shall henceforth be named Haximoto das Kamikaze Motorroller and this evening shall be a time of nursing my injuries of the last twenty-four hours.  Oh, poor pitiful me!

I woke up last night and stumbled in the darkness to the toilet.  However, a design genius put a step up to the bathroom and I kicked this step with glorious enthusiasm.  I don't make any noise for events like that but rather there is a status switch that flips in my brain that goes from a) You Are Barely Awake to b) Damn, This Really Fucking Hurts.

So I stood there taking care of my business in the dark as it's really not necessary for a male to learn the esoterics of a bidet because anything from a nearby creek to the wall, preferably outside, of a downtown bar will suffice for that purpose.  As I savored the pain that would have been blinding had the lights been on, I realised, damn, boy, your foot is leaking.

This seemed like a good time for lights as quiet suffering wasn't alone going to cover the situation and that's when I discovered there was a not unimpressive pool of blood from the damage.  The lesser toes would probably have been happy to suffer in silence but the big toe is such a slut for attention.

After reviewing the situation for some while I decided I would not die from loss of blood but it would be unfortunate to mess up the sheets so I wrapped a towel around my foot and went back to bed.  After a period of homage to the god of Damn, This Really Sucks, I fell back to  sleep.

In America one would sue based on this hideous transgression of design and some vampire attorney would win you a goldmine for it.  However, this is Europe and I told the folks at the desk in the morning so they responded appropriately by laughing.  Damn, boy, you sure a dumb ass.  And, yes, I was.  They got me some alcohol to clean it and a Band-Aid to wrap it and I was on the road again, albeit with a small amount of ongoing leakage.

But that wasn't the best part.

I haven't dropped Haximoto at speed since I bought her ... and I still haven't.  However, she did hit the asphalt again and I don't feel a huge injury to my pride as it was due the backwash of a passing vehicle when I stopped to get a picture of the mountains.  My efforts to avoid them did not work out the way I had hoped.

That damnable kickstand went wimpy again and down she went.  I was right by her when she wobbled but I couldn't hold her up.  She didn't hit too hard and fortunately did not break the mirror.  The guitar case hit too but I doubt it was any harder than she would take being loaded onto an aircraft so I'm not seriously worried about that.

The problem was lifting her back up again as she was down low and hefting her back up again was one holy massive bitch.  I tried as much as possible to lift only with my legs but still my back had to get into it somewhat and I am damn sure paying the price for that now.  I really don't know how I manage such things as that baby is heavy just sitting there but loaded with all my stuff she is a monster.  My shoulder is supposed to never be pushed beyond 15-20 kilos but the surgeon isn't here and it would be a bad idea to tell him.

But even that wasn't what really stung me.

The camera took a dive when Haximoto went down and it appeared to be the end for picture-taking.  I tried later to get some pictures by Genova and it behaved very strangely so I thought it was over.  I couldn't play with it as I was again by the side of the highway and I didn't want to risk another fall.

You all knew it was going to happen and so did I. My only hope was that it wouldn't hurt too much. I'm still moving so it doesn't hurt too much.

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