The Bachelor - Heavy Metal Edition

So Sundance and Andrea shamelessly dragged me into this network bloodfest and there's the big, we really mean it this time, finale tonight. I have the option of retaining that hour of my life for something useful but I won't do that. I'll be right there watching in the hope that jason gets his heart cut out with a power saw.

Yep, that's what I want: power tools and heavy weapons in this show. If The Bachelor is going to be ripping out hearts and we know he is then these women should have some means of self-defense and, best of all, there needs to be some payback. Instead of seeing the girl going home in tears, I want to see her calling out to the rest of her team, "Lock and load!"

Blood, that's what we want. Human sacrifices. Carnage!

We interrupt this blog for some incoming news...

Ladies and gentlemen, a busload of nuns slid off a rainy road in India and landed on an orphanage, setting it afire. There were no survivors. The fire spread to a nearby oil refinery and it is now burning out of control.

In other news, Chris Brown says he's the real leader of the Republican Party and he'll kick the ass of anyone who says otherwise, so long as it's a woman.

Returning to our regularly-scheduling blogging...

I'll call as soon as I can work my way through my tears, bring closure to the loss of my domicile, my home, my life. I need to turn my lemons into lemonade, if only I had some lemons. But, verily, I'm sure you can imagine the emotional trauma that comes from this uprooting, this...oh the humanity.

(Harold, I know you're already there...)

Speaking of tits. Nah, still can't do it. There's no topping the George Carlin bit.

Maestro, rimshot, please.

Brother Harold, I wish I could tell you something solid about a Relay gig and what I understand is that it's March or nothing?? It might be possible to gig from here but this is one seriously luxy pad and it wouldn't be at all cool to put up an electronics warehouse and leave it that way. I don't mean to commit 'em to anything as they're not even here right now but I'm betting they're thinking it's as loud in performance as it seems in SL but it's not at all. I don't sing very loud and you can't hear the guitar at all. Put on the headphones and they'll blow your head off but you won't hear much of anything without them. Might be possible.

Andrea, don't freak if you see this here before we talk. I throw ideas out here like Slinger and Nurse Judi getting some jams together. Some of 'em will happen and some of 'em won't but for sure a few of 'em will. No tragedy at all if it's too much but it might be cool.

What you all don't know is that Sundance has a huge Broadway voice. I love theater singers as they have got such massive power that they don't even need mikes. They can sing over an orchestra unamplified...whew! So, Sundance has a great voice but theater is very refined stuff and I play a guitar like a chainsaw so it could be a bust but it could be very cool too.

One of the funniest damn things I ever saw was when I was out with Sundance and Andrea a few years back. I don't know what started it but we were leaving a restaurant and someone started into "Impossible Dream" loud enough for the other party to here. That singer dropped off and a singer from the other party picked up where the first had left off. Sundance was one of those singers and they kept pumping each other up until they were doing Broadway power across the street at each other. It was excellent!

So this is the all-improv Silas World Tour and I'm going to improv my way to playing some Scrabble on the iPhone. Oh how my heart aches to go home (laughs).

Why is Silas laughing over losing his life's savings! Well, I'll tell you why. The list of option is not long and if you've got one better than laughing then let's hear it.

By the way, iPhone Scrabble plays an adequate game but it probably won't seriously challenge you if you're any good at the game and it's annoying to see it miss things that would have given it fatter scores or better strategy but it's entertaining enough to make it seem like you're thinking a little bit. Keep in mind this is coming from someone who was entertained for three hours by "The Bachelor" as Sundance and Andrea didn't exactly chain me down.